I suddenly found myself in an open expanse of darkness. Oddly, it surrounded me and, even odder, I could seemingly see 360 degrees without turning my head. I just knew it was endless. It filled me with the vision of vast potential. A blank slate. Limitless. There was a noise or what may be best stated as a vibration or humming. The noise didn’t scare me; in fact, it seemingly calmed me. I remember experimenting with the noise and trying to speak only to hear my voice garbled with the beat of the humming, much like when you sit directly behind a fan as a kid and speak into the blades. That type of distortion exactly. In the distance, there was a soft and peaceful reddish glow or horizon that had a slight bend to it outwardly and seemed at a great distance, softly radiating, even pulsing. It grew larger and larger. It seemed red; but as I got closer or it got closer, it appeared peach colored — pink and orange even. To this date describing the colors is still difficult for me because I just can’t say I have ever experienced colors so vivid and brilliant. Almost like the phases of a cloud-cluttered sunset or sunrise, how the colors evolve with the slipping sun and reflect onto the clouds except sharper and brighter, almost alive like you could inhale them and actually taste them. In fact there was a taste which I am unable to describe completely from lack of reference. Salty, sweet, bitter, sour and spicy all at the same time, if that makes sense. I didn’t move but could certainly feel the glow getting larger and larger as if I were rushing to it without effort. There was no tunnel as some report, but it did feel like I was moving, weightlessly and effortlessly. The glow emanated from what appeared to be the lip of what I perceived as like the edge of a volcano, for lack of better previous memory recall. I remember thinking I was dying and was on my way to hell right then and there. It is almost ineffable really to describe the events and even try to compare them with anything from my previous memory. It was like my memories weren’t real. This was. But a Volcano? Is this what hell is? So I tried to piece it together with the framework of my current memory data banks — a volcano. Solely because the edge curved only slightly and was vividly colored in a sea of blackness with the gentle edge curved outward only slightly, but definitely rounding in each direction to an expanse that seemed limitless. If it were a volcano, it wasn’t filled with heat or lava, and it was definitely endless all around and appeared bottomless except for one pin point light that looked like a faraway star.
Suddenly I was on the edge and then some. My feet dangled so far over the edge that it would seem impossible to maintain balance but that wasn’t a problem, not even a concern. I felt weightless and at great peace. There was no fear like one should have peering over the edge of a supposed volcano, just that peace that I have still have trouble explaining. It was like nothing I have ever experienced. A loving familiarity that is still undefinable. The glow of red now seemed pinkish and orange and was clearly not a volcano; but as I peered over my toes there was no end below, nor was there an end to the lip or the darkness around me. It was a void. There was no heat or lava — just a harmonic hum and a specific odor that I didn’t recognize. I remember thinking, “I don’t ever recall smelling anything in a dream.” The smell I could actually taste — like after a thunderstorm — that crisp but refreshed smell. It was almost lightly like ammonia, but I later realized it was almost like the smell of an ozone machine, just crisper and cleaner. It was refreshing if not curiously addicting. I have experienced nothing since that comes close to the joy that this odor provided. It sounds weird to me to explain an odor as joy. But there it was.
The edge of the glowing expanse curved out of view endlessly making me realize or “know” there was no end to it. It wasn’t the mouth of a volcano, it was obviously too expansive, but it did bend. I wasn’t frightened. The vibration and breeze were soothing. I wasn’t confused either. In fact, I was at the greatest peace of my life as I’ve known to this day. My feet were three-fourths of the way over the edge, but there was no balance issue or fear. Amazement, but a calming amazement. Awe!
Without any hesitation, that tiny star in the expanse below began changing. It began to grow. A bright white, light-shaped ball or mass was suddenly in front of me. It started small and grew so quickly, as did the vibration or humming I could hear. There was a breeze it seemed being created by it as well. I remember thinking it was not unlike the fresh spring breeze that occasionally you encounter in life that just makes you realize life is so beautiful. The light grew larger and it seemed just out of reach, although I didn’t try to reach it. It was like a giant ball of light swirling into itself and rotating in seemingly multiple directions but yet all heading for the center point. It was highlighted by blue streaks as it swirled in what seemed to be every direction, but mainly I remember counterclockwise to be the general direction of most of it. It wasn’t perfectly round – it appeared almost jagged and occasionally squeezed into almost a thick doughnut shape structure of light. When this happened, I could see what appeared to be the center of a whirlpool, for lack of a better term, where it all seemed to merge. In the center it was a darker blue/black center. Everything seemed to go there and disappear with streaks of light blue indicating direction. As I focused on this center, it began to distort and glow brighter with streaks of blue that began to outline the shape of a face emerging. The “mass” of light increased in brightness continually, but it didn’t make me squint or shield my eyes. It made me feel better and more peaceful as it grew in intensity.
As the light intensified, so did the harmony and the vibration. Every hair stood on edge. Suddenly there was a face that was definitive and energized that emerged slowly, not unlike the reflection in water — the face of a man — older and weathered in appearance. The face appeared and consumed the mass of lights whole. The high point and low points of detail were expressed in tones of light. The high points were more bluish. His hair was longer and had gentle waves. Not tight, but rolling down past what I assumed were shoulders but unseen. He looked somewhat familiar, or felt familiar I should say. There was a burst or vibration from him that I could feel down to the very core of my body. I felt it in my teeth. I remember it made my nose actually itch but I felt no need to scratch it. It was like the most comfort I have ever felt. It was like a summer breeze in your face without a care in the world, like the last day of school in spring multiplied by a million. I no longer felt the pain that in my awakened state had been so intense. It was only peace to the extent of nothing I had ever experienced. Still seems difficult to explain the love and peace at that moment actually.
He had no facial hair to speak of, but the weathered look of his face was clearly defined in tone and texture. Like a thousand years of weathering. I felt security and warmth all around me. There was no fear or confusion or even the slightest panic. Just a peaceful sway and hum and a light so bright it would seem impossible to look at. But it wasn’t. Realer than anything I have ever known in fact. Time seemed to stop during this event. In fact I remember thinking time doesn’t exist at all so pay attention as I have nothing to fear here. I wasn’t told that. I just knew it. I wondered if this was the face of God.
THEN THERE WERE WORDS! There was no outloud speaking as the figure’s lips never moved, nor did mine. But there were words that were crisp and clear unlike my earlier attempt at the fan voice of my childhood. It was a question. “Are you ready?” Vague but yet simple and decisive, and I felt no ambiguity in its meaning. I replied although my lips didn’t move and I have no memory of actually speaking, but I remember my voice booming and clear. I simply said, “No, I’m not ready yet.” This in and of itself was odd because I had already given up and was ready to die in my awakened state and body. But evidently, I was not ready here and it was without a question, certain.
Then more words. “There is something important you still need to do”. These words came with a smile beginning to form on the man’s face as more rays of light began to shoot out of nearly every part of his face. Like a pavement cracking slowly and the larger source of light behind it shooting out like the rays of the sun. I reached for his face, unafraid but exploring. Just without thought, I reached for his face and placed my hand on his cheek. I wanted to touch this peace. I had originally thought he would have been well out of my reach suspended over the expanse, but he wasn’t. I realized the red, pink, orange, peach colored glow previously seen was gone and all that remained was the white radiant light from the orb continually increasing in brightness and hum. I reached out slowly and deliberately and touched his cheek. My body vibrated and the light grew again in intensity and brightness as his smile expanded. There was a tingling in the touch and a warmth I still can’t describe today. It was like a numbing, non-painful vibration but warm and almost wet. In all honesty, I felt everything release including my bladder and I didn’t even care. He was brighter than the sun but not yellow. He was pure white and getting brighter. This touch lasted for what seemed like forever. I explored the variations and texture of his face forever but I remember it dawned on me then that it was like I had been here before. I experienced a deja vu of sorts it felt like. This whole scene felt familiar. It’s hard to find words to describe the sense of time I experienced. As the light became brighter, so did the hum and the vibration, and his smile widened until it distorted the image of his face. It almost seemed like there were other faces revolving through the image I touched, yet seemingly similar to the original face. Like a million faces all in one I remember thinking. As his smile expanded, it dissolved the image of his face and again the light got brighter. I felt as if I was falling but hadn’t moved and wasn’t scared. Suddenly, I was aware there were valleys and mountains and streams and small specks of numerous people and animals in the expanse below me. It felt too brief in retrospect, but it was a complete vision of a peaceful place of undefinable color. Greener than any green I had ever seen, bluer than blue. I just can’t explain the colors I saw still to this date. They did not exist in my memory. I realize I keep saying that and I apologize. It isn’t even worth trying to compare the things I saw to my past, but in vision and emotion it was the greatest source of peace I had ever felt even to this day. The entire field of view became this white light and I felt weightless as it engulfed me. There was a whitewashing of my retinas like when you look into the sun but without any pain, and it revealed even further layers of a spectrum of colors that I had never seen before. “Colors without names” I said to myself. There was a sense of speed somehow as I felt what seemed like my body travelling at speeds blurring my view. The bright light similar to a blinding snowstorm while driving except faster and more furious.
Within seconds, I was in my hospital bed. I was scared but yet peaceful. I remember saying one word. Volcano. I immediately assumed my encounter was a dream; but yet somehow I knew deep inside me it wasn’t. There was no pain as previous but an alertness that was confusing to me. Like I wasn’t sick at all.
Within minutes of this experience, I purposely and incessantly asked to see all of my doctors. There was something important I was supposed to do. At the same time and without effort, it all happened. There were exactly twelve of them. My disciples. I asked each to speak their mind and explain “my options” and “chances”. Each doctor did with fluent quick responses and I looked into the eyes of each of them as they spoke. I was focused and attentive. I felt things coming from each of them it seemed; but I could not understand it all. They all looked at me oddly as if wondering where all my control had suddenly come from considering my nearly comatose state since my arrival. The changes were already evident. I heard nothing but positives from each and devoured all of it.
I spoke to them as a group and told them I was supposed to live. I told them specifically that there “was something important I was supposed to do” and this day marked the beginning of life-saving treatment that would lead me to this moment today. There were several hurdles to come and I knew it, but it seemed like this was what I was supposed to do. As much of a miracle as my journey was, it is trumped by the miracle of this team of doctors from this hospital that, unlike North Carolina, had the vision to try and save me. I don’t remember one word of negative from any of them as we went around the room, each having a moment to speak. I do remember the wonderment in their eyes, however, and I recall thinking the same exact thing. I was certain of one thing from my dream. “There was something important I was supposed to do.” The “what” remained a mystery. The next part of the journey wouldn’t be easy and would require help and it would come in exactly the right time and manner, as usual. The next year would go down as the worst of my life but marked with wonder.
What I had recognized in my daily struggles was that there were distinct differences in my character and habits and viewpoints along the way. I just assumed I was grateful to be alive; but I documented
the strange changes in personality as I recognized them. In retrospect, the list grew to nearly 15 pages of changes I had realized. Some of you have seen a few. The list still grows to this day.
Around Christmas of 2013, nearly three years later, as I neared what appeared to be the end of my battle, I received a calendar as usual at Christmas from my mother with several pictures on it she had made. It was a ritual in my family to get this calendar every Christmas from Mom. We all look forward to it and it is a staple of each of our homes all year without fail. We all fought for “the cover” photo as we call it; and it’s been a tradition and passion for my Mom for some time now. By the way,we still jokingly jockey for the cover photo each and every year. LOL.
As I scanned the calendar, I came across a picture of a man. Instantly, I was weakened and literally fell back in my seat. I was stunned. My breath was stolen from me instantly. The man on that calendar had the same face in the giant mass of light I had experienced at death’s door in my “dream”. It was the same face but I still didn’t know who it was. The man I was told — once I could
muster the question — was my Grandfather Trombley. He had died in 1956, well before my birth and as a result had never been a part of my life in detail or in pictures. There was no possible way I could recognize this man as I had never seen even a picture of him, nor had I had any direct knowledge of his life or character previously. This was the day I realized that my “dream” was directly influenced by someone already departed.
In the next few months, I discovered the near-death experience (NDE) and its history in our society. I was never a believer in these events as perceptual prejudice dictated otherwise — a mass delusion
I would often say. Although it was clear to me at this point that my “dream” was a near-death experience.
But I hadn’t actually died — or had I? Well, this is where the world changed once again for me. Things started “happening”. I couldn’t get enough information and I still have an insatiable desire for
information. Theories of things pop into my mind on topics I previously never cared about. Oddly, I couldn’t and still can’t read other NDEs. I just couldn’t seem to do it and still can’t. But, what
I was insatiable about was the recorded and well-documented and researched “after effects”. I compared my recorded after effects to several lists developed by researchers and scientists. As you can imagine, the changes I documented were almost exactly the same as millions of near-death experiencers around the world. This realization happened almost three years from the actual event —
exactly the time frame recorded in research as the time frame the majority of near-death experiencers go through until their “awakening” or realization of the event and acceptance of the same.
Without trying I had evolved to a higher consciousness. I had changed. Just like the others had at exactly the same time frame as the others. I had assumed you had to die to have these experiences
prior and had heard, like you, about these experiences. Come to find out, you don’t have to actually die to have a NDE. It’s a “near” death experience. I previously wrote them off to some metabolic brain malfunction at the time of death I guess — death’s illusion. I was not a believer. I am now obviously.
The NDE is different for each of us. They are not all typical. But the after effects, brain shift and timing are identical. You can’t ignore each experience and you can rationalize it any way you want. You can’t ignore millions of people who changed all at once in mass numbers after an experience like this. It’s hard for people to change any one thing about themselves, let alone major shifts in personality. That’s just unexplained for most. But not so for us.
Since my awakening, I research. I read and learn, and learn and read. It’s not all NDE stuff — very little in fact. It’s things like quantum physics and science. I have theories, which I don’t ask for
on topics I should care nothing about, pop into my head a hundred times a day. It is a sixth sense that took me some time in seclusion to control and understand. Epiphanies of life’s greatest questions
and some questions I never even considered. Sometimes they flow with such ease that I often just burst into laughter. Most importantly, I have a love for others I simply can’t ignore.
Then there’s the “calling”. We all experience the same calling to better mankind in some way. In fact, it seems the only question I can’t answer in life is the one thing said in my NDE. I am “supposed
to do something important.” This remains the carrot I will forever chase; and I am perfectly OK with it. I have found that the path of life is easy when you understand that everyone and everything along
the path is not for a reason, but for a purpose. EVERYTHING! It’s free will that allows me to choose what I pay attention to. There is a “oneness” to the universe — a single common component to
everything and every person right down to each atom. It’s energy.
The foundations of the universe and the epiphanies I see every day are too numerous and mind numbing to go into. I’ll spare you the details. I just “know” things now that I don’t ask or seek. I just
“know”. It just comes to me. I am not alone with this. It happens to most all of us who go through an NDE. But the question still remains, “What do I do with it?”
I have a pretty good idea. I will write and share and find peace in the fact that change is up to the individual. It’s free will and it’s yours to choose. But I will share it. What you do with it is up to
you. But I do realize the fact that my guide in my NDE was a family member with a message — a message for many in my family. The fact it was someone I had never known due to death is not the message. The fact that I didn’t know that branch of my family IS the message. The division in some of the limbs of my family tree has withered and I know why. I also know someone wants it changed. I do not take this responsibility on myself. They will take it from here. And yes there are others. But one of my callings was to share it with my family and others and I consider that now complete.
I have learned that love can do many things. The love and commitment from my living family got me here today. I learned that the love from my dearly departed showed me the light of that love from beyond.
The experience changed me greatly and I researched my theories on change. One thing was clear: change doesn’t happen yesterday. It’s about forgiveness. They showed me that as well. I will share them as I go. There are too many things to talk about regarding lessons from beyond. I will share them at my family reunion on July 6th and from there I will depart for Arizona. If you attach a new idea to a great emotion, just maybe it impacts people and causes similar brain shifts. At a minimum, it provokes thought in others.
Nearly a year after the experience, I found myself in hospice once again terminal. I found a way; but I suspect finding a way was actually giving in. I was releasing the stress and worry and just accepting it. I never felt more at peace than when I was in hospice. Two months into my hospice journey, I had gained sixty pounds and felt great.
It was back to the doctors to find out why. There it was again. All traces of the disease killing me were gone — without drugs and without medical treatment of any kind. Poof! It was gone. There is no medical explanation for it to this day. Nurses at the hospital said I was a gift from God. I think we all are obviously.
Surviving the impossible yet again, I wanted to know why. I researched and explored the great epiphanies I had several times a day. It was a knowing of things I shouldn’t have known.
This blog with be a small sample of things I was shown in the light such as how my vibration changed. I will post some of my research from time to time. And I will discuss the “after effects”.
I hope you enjoyed one of the most humbling experiences of my life. It takes a lot to bleed all over these pages in the manner I just did. I pray perceptional prejudice doesn’t interfere with the quality
of what you learn here. I pray you apply it to your own families. It’s never too late to make a change in family. One clear thing about family you can take from me is this: in the “end”, it’s all about family.
Today I am cancer free with the rest of my life ahead of me. I understand the flow of life and the universe and think it’s funny actually how easy it really is. I have no fear of death in the same way that all near-death experiencers have no fear of death. We know death is the prize actually.
I have also realized irrefutable things to be true: there is always
life — even after death. The energy goes somewhere. It goes
everywhere. But the very energy that powered the person in life is
the same energy that seeps into our very mind daily. We miss them;
but they are right there all the time. There is always life. Don’t
waste a minute … NOT ONE SINGLE MINUTE OF LIFE … Reap it …
The most remarkable part of the story medically lies in between the covers of the book. The Doctors encourage the story because of these revelations…Many near death experiencers experience remarkable healing. Oh the power of our immune system never cease to amaze. BUT WHAT IF YOU DON’T HAVE AN IMMUNE SYSTEM? How do you explain that? Don’t worry, even the Mayo Clinic cant. You might want to read the rest of the story..
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